Choices

I have a routine. Monday through Friday, I get up, take my shower, get dressed (including my shoes), go downstairs, let two dogs out, make coffee, feed the cat and take the third dog for a walk. When I get back, I let the dogs in, pack my lunch and go to work. The weekends are different. I sleep in a little longer. When I get up, I go downstairs (still in my pajamas), let the dogs out, feed the cat, make coffee and try to keep an eye on the dogs (since Tucker is an escape artist). Sometimes, like this morning, that doesn't work out for me.

I looked out the backdoor, just in time to see Tucker climbing over the fence. I ran through the house, grabbing the leash (which is strategically placed just for this scenario), and out the front door to make chase. Of course, I was still in my pajamas, unshowered, sans my morning coffee. So, yes, I probably looked a fright. It usually only takes me a block or so to catch him. I realize that this is his way of sticking to our routine of the morning walk. Today, however, he was off on a full run. Which meant I was at a full run after him (cursing under my breath). After about a half a mile, he was still ahead of me and passing a jogger. I yelled to her to please grab him for me. She stopped and turned, just as he squatted to take care of business. "Uh, he's all yours" she told me, as I caught up to him and secured the leash. Then she looked at me (in my pajamas and out of breath) disdainfully, and asked me if I wanted a bag to clean up after him.

I really am a responsible pet owner. I do clean up after my pets. I do not take the time to grab a bag when I am chasing a runaway. Apparently her house was right there, I gratefully accepted her gift of a grocery bag, and picked up after my dog.

As I was walking back home with him...trying to beat the rain and badly needing my coffee and a cigarette (yes, I know they are bad for me). I considered what she probably thought. Then I decided that I didn't care. After all, our routines weren't that different. We were both out on an early morning jog (albeit, with different motivation).

This week has been hectic, I have found myself being much more reactive than proactive. I did have a plan, it just didn't go according to schedule. I have been a bit anxious and unorganized. I have been trying to get ahead of the game at work and at home, planning for my upcoming vacation. Unfortunately, most of my efforts have been derailed by mini-crisises that have arisen all week. Sometimes, life just happens. I am good at activating plan B and adjusting to the curve ball. Though, there are times when I envy people whose lives always seem to go according to plan A. I could make some changes to ensure things followed my plan. I could be more organized, I could get completely dressed first thing on Sunday morning, I could choose not to own rescued dogs (who won't be deterred by fences and commands), I could choose a more conventional profession, I could tell my sons, now that they're adults, they're completely on their own. Without the dogs and cat and children and grandchildren, I would have more money, more time, less stress and a cleaner house. This certainly isn't the life I envisioned when I was 20. This is the life that I choose, over and over again.

Do I have regrets? Occasionally, but they don't last long. There are times when I feel a fleeting twinge after passing on new clothes and shoes, so my grandchildren will have new clothes and shoes. When I pass on a haircut, so I can buy dog food. When finishing my degree and having a running vehicle is put on hold (again), for a myriad of other needs and causes. Then I feel gratitude. Gratitude that I have good friend that allows me to ride to work with her every day. Gratitude that I feel each day on my arrival back home, seeing three furry faces at the window. Gratitude that my grandchildren are happy and healthy. Gratitude in knowing that my plans will eventually come to fruition (and it doesn't matter if I am 55 or 60 when that occurs). Gratitude, that in this economy, I have a home and a job and health insurance. Gratitude that I can be happy living out plan B.

The escape artist, after the great escape.
How can I be mad at that sweet face?

All I Really Want...

~All I really want is some patience, a way to calm the angry voice.
Alanis Morrisette





Life is unpredictable, I have come to expect the unexpected. I am pretty good about rolling with the punches and implementing Plan B, but there are times when I really wanted Plan A. I have decided that my co-worker isn't getting any better, I am just dealing with the situation better. Work stresses have been a little more wearing lately. Yesterday, I was at another site, working one-on-one with a different client. My day was actually pleasant, until the last half hour with him. He displayed some huge behavioral issues before going home. It did work to my advantage though, when I returned to the office, I found that my being gone had emphasized my co-worker's incompetence. The program supervisor apologized to me, saying "I had no idea how really bad he is." Of course that doesn't mean that I will be rid of him, just that things may be watched more closely.

My son's girlfriend may be moving in with us, while they save money to get a place of their own. They both work and attend school, so I don't expect to see much of them, but it is an adjustment. I have been seeing him struggle to pull away and become more independent. I do recognize that as the cause of most of our conflicts (nothing big, just occasional quarrels). It is sometimes difficult for both of us to let go.

Last night I was exhausted, in addition to the day leaving me wrung out, I did not feel well. I do feel better this morning, but I am still tired and subdued. Today is a beautiful day though, it is sunny and cool and the leaves are changing. This is my favorite time of year, despite the ongoing problem of the dogs tracking in leaves and mud. As much work and aggravation as they can cause me, I love them. I don't think there is a creature on earth that can exude so much excitement and unconditional love as a dog. Everyday, when I arrive after work, I see three happy faces and three wagging tails in the window. Unlike the morning (trying to get out the door without being covered in hair or pawprints), the evening is full of big dog hugs and kisses. They can cheer me up no matter what mood I am in. I hope someday, that I live up to their (seemingly) unblemished perception of me.







My gratitude has been abundant today. I smiled as I woke up thinking of J. Remembering the last time he was here and sleeping in his arms. I smiled at being greeted by the dogs, outside of my bedroom door. In the kitchen, I smiled at the smell of coffee and my grandchildren's artwork on my refrigerator. I smiled at the sunshine and the crisp fall air, when I took the dogs outside. I am grateful for all of those things. They reflect my blessings. I am blessed by a wonderful relationship, I am blessed by my family and my home. I am blessed with health and a rich, fulfilling life. I am blessed with a job (that I mostly like) and the income that it earns. I am blessed to live in a country where I wake up hearing birds, not bombs. Where I have more food in my kitchen, then some places have in an entire village. Where I have clean, safe water at the turn of a handle. Where medical care is only a phone call away. Where my main concerns are bills, politics, and home improvement, rather than my next meal, if my children/grandchildren will survive the next year, and if my home will be bombed.

What are you grateful for today?