Hope and Change

It is a rainy fall day here. The house smells faintly of wet dog and play-doh. Soon it will smell much better, I am about to start on the Bolognese sauce for dinner. I'm not sure where summer went. The grandkids are back in school, the dogs are once again obsessed with their quest to rid the world of squirrels, rainy days mean mud-tracked floors and dirt. One of my lost boys from the past, is now back in my home for the time being. I suppose everyone needs a refuge they can return to when life becomes too hard. My last post was over a month ago, it is not from a lack of thoughts, I'm just not sure I have anything worthwhile to say or that I have too much to say to condense into a manageable read. So I will resort to a rambling, disjointed myriad of what is on my mind.

The recent months have produced a list of celebrity deaths. My last post was about Ethyl Kennedy, shortly after we lost her brother Ted. Patrick Swayze succumbed to the cancer he valiantly fought. Mary Travers lost her battle as well (a much less publicized battle). I know there have been others, but these most readily come to mind. It makes me reflect on the gifts they left us. Not just the gifts they gave us in life, but the gifts of their deaths. Ted and Patrick are foremost in my mind. They faced and dealt with dying (and living with impending death) in the public eye. They did so with courage and grace. I hope that I can be half as dignified when I face my own demise. They embraced the life they had left, they refused to slip quietly into the night, they fought bravely and they accepted their fate. It gives me pause in this hurried and harried life. It makes me thankful for what I have and accepting of what I do not. It makes me reach out to family and friends. For whatever we have (and do not have) today, can all change in the blink of an eye.

I have been feeling very domestic lately. I have been in a nesting mode. I have also been evaluating the things that I want to accomplish. I few years ago, I felt I had plenty of time. Now time seems to be speeding along at warp speed. My goals haven't changed, but some things have happened that changed my path. I was supposed to finish my degree this past spring. The lack of transportation and available funds delayed that. I am now on plan B. I haven't abandoned that goal, but I have had to change boats in midstream. I know it will happen, I'm just not sure when. Occasionally, I feel a twinge of regret and resentment over the circumstances that have curtailed my plans. Then I acknowledge that I am not in control, that I will have to work within the happenings of the Universe. Overall, I am content. The lack in my life has made me appreciate what I do have. It has afforded me empathy and has made me resilient. I see my sons learning this same lesson, not as patiently and accepting as I have been, but they are learning. My whole life has been about change and having to drop back and punt. I am glad that things haven't been easy. I would not be grateful for easy.

In all of this, I have hope. I hope for a better world for my grandchildren. I hope for a life of continued learning. I hope for equality and fairness for those who have been denied it. I hope that people will be able to look beyond their own circumstance and problems and know the truth. I hope that the leaders of the country will put aside their differences and join together for the good of their constituents. I hope that people of all belief systems will be able to embrace the love and compassion that is the basis of most of those belief systems. For being a realist, I am also a hopeless romantic.







The more things change, the more they stay the same.