Life

It has been months since I have written here, life has been busy, complicated, but that is what life is. I have wondered why I thought it would be a good idea to have two blogs. Why I thought I could separate and compartmentalize my life. I thought that my original blog would be about J, about our relationship and about D/s. It has been. This blog was to be about all the rest. However, as time goes on, things are so intertwined. J and our relationship are deeply ingrained in my living my life. There is no separation. He is part of me and influences all that I think and do.

I don't want to abandon this blog, though I have doubts that anyone still reads here. This is just a small snapshot though, but it will continue. I will try to use it as a journal of sorts. It does me good to write, but I expect to ramble quite a bit.

I have been worried about my grandchildren. My son and his wife are not being the best parents. They are not being much of anything. Neither of them has worked in a very long time. Their house is horribly filthy most of the time. I am not sure what kind of meals are provided. Hygiene is being neglected (not just the children, but the adults as well). They children are left to their own accord most of the time. Yes, the parents are home, but occupied by the television or usually the computer. Video games and television have become the children's caretakers. I keep the children almost every weekend. This past week I had vacation time from work and I kept them then too. I try to give the children a sense of normalcy. I feed them good meals, make sure they get baths, have them brush their teeth. Things that most children experience every day. Things that my grandchildren get sporadically at best. I have considered my options and what is best for the children. One of those options would be to try and get custody. I'm not entirely sure I could unless the parents agreed. Apparently filth and neglect are considered a "lifestyle choice". I understand that Children's Services have their hands full with actual cases of abuse and while they would follow up on a case like this there really is nothing that they would do. I can hire an attorney and petition the court for temporary custody, but I am not sure it would be granted. I cannot afford to spend the money (attorneys are expensive) for a dubious outcome.

What I have been doing is playing social worker. I have made lists of the problems that I have observed. I have made lists of what must be done to correct those problems. I have written a contract for them to sign that they will follow through. Things improve and then backslide. Some things never get done at all. I follow-up and then emphasis the problems. I explain how these things effect the children's health and safety. My son admits that things are bad, that they have been neglectful. My daughter-in-law grows distant and blames my son. I am growing weary of this whole thing. I want to just be grandma, I do not want to assume responsibility for the children, I certainly do not want to raise them. I do want my grandchildren to have normal healthy lives. I guess I will keep at it.

I am grateful for many things. I am grateful that my family is healthy. I am grateful that all of our needs always get met. I am grateful that I have grandchildren to worry about. I am grateful that I can be a positive influence in their lives. When I become discourages that my house needs paint, curtains, woodwork and new doors, I am grateful that I was able to spend that money on the needs of my family instead. I am grateful for J, he loves me and encourages me. He listens to my concerns and he helps me stay strong. I am grateful for my youngest son, he is a great help to me, he is responsible, he is a hard worker and he loves his niece and nephews. I am grateful for my older son also. I am grateful that he loves his children, even when he is struggling to care for them.

I plan on trying to keep writing regularly here and on my Rabbit Hole blog. Try being the key word here. You know what they say about the best laid plans.

Louise, if you read this, leave a comment. You have been on my heart lately.