What kind of zoo is this?

I have been too busy and distracted to put together a blog post in a while. That is not a good thing for me, since writing helps me focus and gain perspective. In an attempt to gain a little perspective, I am going to just jot down some random thoughts and hope to make some sense of it all.

I mentioned a while back, that I had a new assignment at work. Let it suffice to say that I provide vocational, social, and life skills training, as well as some group sessions and recreation for my group. My group consists of young men, who have some mental health concerns, who have made extremely poor choices in their lives, most of whom have had pretty rough childhoods and most of whom are court ordered to be in this program. Needless to say, none of them want to be there. None of them want to cop to their offenses. None of them like each other. All of them, for at least a portion of each day, don't like me. Today, at different times during the day, I was called: sweetcakes, an old hag, and you f__king bitch. I sometimes feel like a warden, sometimes a social worker, sometimes a mom, and sometimes I feel like a f__king bitch. Most of the time, I like these guys, sometimes I want to smack some sense into them (which I don't), and sometimes they break my heart. Do not worry, I am not too emotionally involved. I have worked in my field for over eleven years, I care about my clients, I advocate for them, I do what I can, but at the end of the day I go home and am thankful to leave them behind.

I am also thankful to leave my co-worker behind. He is an idiot. He is getting better, but I am not his supervisor, his mother, or his trainer and I am having to function in all of those capacities. He is a horrible example to our clients, furthermore, his stupidity may get someone hurt. Today, he told all of us (clients included) that the financial crisis was a government plot. They want the economy to fail, and in a few years, the U.S., Canada, and Mexico will be all one nation. According to him, this is all foretold in the Bible. He is also opposed to Obama, because his middle name is Hussein and he is black. He told me that he's not prejudiced or racist, he likes blacks, just not the city blacks, because they don't know their place. He bases his vote on who the NRA tells him to vote for. He also hates gays, Muslims, and the NAACP. I don't even waste my breath anymore, he is too stupid to argue with. I figure that the mere fact that I haven't killed him, makes me a better person (please tell me it is true).

I am tired of my sons making poor choices (okay, not as poor as my clients). My youngest son is actually making some very good choices, but he is lousy with money. He has come to expect that when he is out of money he can come to me. (My own fault, I know.) I am tired of it, this week, the bank of mom is closed. He is pissed, probably more at himself than at me, but he is being passive aggressive. Unlike work, I am having a hard time leaving this at the door. My ex-husband was passive aggressive, so is my mother, I find it to be annoying and manipulative. I am hoping that unlike them, my son will grow up and get over it. In the meantime, I am keeping my mouth shut and feeling hurt. (Gee, maybe I am passive aggressive too?)

I am trying to do all kinds of work around my house, I am tired of it being torn up and unfinished. I am also too tired after work to be motivated to do much. I have never been an immaculate housekeeper, but in the midst of the mess I am lousy. I am craving order, but am too tired to achieve it. It is getting done, but too slowly for my liking. I need to tap my friends and have a painting and housecleaning party. I do realize that with three dogs, a cat and a twenty year old son at home, immaculate is a pipe dream, but presentable would be heaven.

Okay, the gripes are over. Last weekend, I took my three grandchildren to the zoo. They were little angels for me (very unusual) and we had a wonderful time. I packed a picnic, we played on the playground, and we saw all of the animals. Well, almost, we missed the penguins and the zoo had no buffalo. When we realized we missed the penguins, we were on the other side of the zoo, preparing to go home. So I lied, I told my six-year old grandson that it was too hot for them and they were up north. I told him that we would see them when we came for the Christmas light display. He said, Jeez, no buffalo and no penguins, what kind of zoo is this? Gotta love the little ones.

I also went to the Farmer's Market last weekend. I try to go every weekend, but this was the last weekend for the year. I stocked up. Tonight, I had fresh tomatoes and sauteed zucchini for dinner. I cannot begin to tell you how good it was. A friend of mine also gave me a huge jade plant today. She was tired of it, it is beautiful!