Dear Santa

Dear Santa,

I honestly don't remember ever writing to you before, though I am sure I did as a child. Let's face it, I think you owe me. We both know that any Christmas wishes I had as a child were fulfilled by my parents. As an adult (especially in my post-mother years) I have been a pretty good elf to you. The presents that have appeared under my tree, may have bore your name, but it was written in my hand-writing. So, I am not trying to be selfish, but I just want my due. Here is my list...

• I really want to lose about forty pounds, without dieting or exercise of course.
• I know your elves are very busy right now, but so am I, so if a couple of them could make a trip to my house and do a little cleaning and sprucing up that would be great.
• I still have a lot of shopping to complete, but no money. Either a prepaid Visa or a deposit into my account (hey, $500 should do it), pick whichever option is easier for you.
• Another couple of hours tacked onto each day until Christmas would help with my time crunch. I know you can do this, after all, you fly all the way around the world in one night.
• I'm in the Secret Santa gift exchange at work. You know how much I hate that shit, so just deliver three more presents for me, on the appropriate days. $5 limit, $10 for the last one. I trust you to pick out something good.
• A little magic on Wall Street would be great, I have a few more stocks to sell (to pay for my son's school bill) and I'm really tired of losing money. An 800 point recovery for the Dow would give many people a better holiday.

There are more things I could ask for, but I don't want to be greedy here. At least I gave you a list that is much easier to achieve than peace on earth. I know that would be impossible, even for a holiday icon, such as yourself.

Oh, and put a hold on that pony request from 40 years ago. I already have three dogs and I am having trouble feeding and cleaning up after them.

Thanks, Alice