Wintry mix

In these days, as the rest of the country has been slammed and immobilized by mounds of snow and ice, our temperature soared into the fifties. The forecast had predicted a wintry mix, that's forecaster talk for ,"we have no idea, so expect anything." Of course, I had just mopped the floor again, so that clinched it for rain. Mopping my floor is akin to washing your car, it is a simple act that can amass rain clouds quicker than anything.

My house has gone to the dogs again, mud, dirt and dog hair have settled on everything. The furniture cushions are torn and chewed. Dakota's babies lie all over the floor, muddy and eyeless. Tucker has no interest in toys, other than to steal them away and try and rip off their heads, while Dakota stands by in a state of anxiety, afraid to take them back. (No matter that Dakota is 100 pounds and Tucker is 40 pounds, they both know who is boss.) My job as the dog mommy is to mediate the sibling rivalry and to keep Tucker's alpha nature in check, by asserting myself over all of them. Their jobs, as my four legged children, are to be cute and loving and to keep reminding me why I have sacrificed money and cleanliness for living in a kennel. They are much better at their jobs than I am.

Christmas is in less than a week and I am sadly unprepared. I do however, have the next two weeks off, at this point I am hoping to be more productive than lazy. Friday, at work, we had a Christmas party for our group. Though I have tried to keep a professional detachment with our guys, I recognize the fact, that for a couple of them, Christmas is a sad and lonely time. At least two of them will spend Christmas in their group home, with no family interaction and few presents. This is a fact that may prompt a home visit from me, with presents that I really can't afford.

I often wonder if they will win the battle. Their issues and offenses will always follow them. They live with the stigma and the labels that overshadow their talents and intelligence. Even within the professional agency I work for, they are viewed as undeserving, unsalvageable. They know they are pariahs, outcasts. As much as I shouldn't, I take it personally. Their battle has become my battle, their successes are my successes, their failures are mine as well. When they ask me why I am hard on them, why I ride their asses? I tell them it is because I know what they are capable of, I know they can do better. I want to say, "Because I fight for you, I stand up to your team and put myself on the line. I push to get you opportunities, privileges, work, inclusion." I may be their biggest critic, but I am also their biggest fan. Working with them is a lot like being a dog mommy, I manage the pack, I recognize the pecking order and I assert myself as the alpha. The forecast for their lives is a wintry mix. For some of them, the sun will eventually shine, but some of them will never escape the storm.