My Wish for the New Year

My Grown Up Christmas List - Kelly Clarkson

As of tonight both the holidays and the year are over. I am sure there are a good many people who are saying good riddance to 2008. This has been a difficult and challenging year. The economy has affected every social and economic strata. I believe that every one of you reading here has felt the pinch. Even on the brink of this new year, we all face uncertainty of what it might bring. Yet, each of you is also blessed. It may not feel that way, but by the simple fact that you are reading this, I know you have a computer and a place to plug it in. Not everyone is so lucky. Hard financial times have another effect. Donations to shelters and food pantries are significantly decreased. The number of people needing services from them is greater than ever. January is typically the leanest month as far as donations are concerned. I am only asking that you don't forget that the need does not go away after Christmas, it continues year round. Please address it in the way your heart and your resources will allow.

Have a Happy and Prosperous New Year.

Domestic Goddess

That's me these past few weeks. I am lucky enough to be in the middle of two weeks off (holiday time, combined with vacation). I'll be honest, going into this, I had a to do list as long as my arm. The first part of it involved getting ready for Christmas (which I did, with a scaled back approach). But mostly though, I have been lazy. Playing with the grandchildren, futzing around the kitchen and way to much computer time is what has occupied my days.

Well, today I looked around at my terribly neglected house and I got busy. I took the books off the shelves to dust and rearrange them (this was really an attempt to fit more books back on). I cleaned the refrigerator. I wiped down the kitchen cabinets. I knocked down cobwebs. I cleaned the bathroom and replaced the toilet seat. I dusted my furniture and then oiled it down with furniture oil. I did laundry, lots of laundry. It may sound like I was reacting to incredible boredom, but I was really trying to overcome the months (years) of neglect. I am not nearly done, but I am quite proud of myself.

Last week is when I shopped for the toilet seat. If you all recall, I do not have a car and rely on the kindness of strangers (okay, friends and family) to drive me around. Therefore, I found myself at one store, that had the tackiest and ugliest toilet seats imaginable. Padded ones, all different colors, with embroidered seats. Not to be discouraged, I decided to choose the absolute tackiest one there was and buy it. (Well, not really, the worst one was pink with a swan on the seat.) It is orange, sort of, maybe more peach, with shells on the seat. So now it graces my bathroom in all its tacky glory. I think I may love it! At least it makes me giggle each time I see it.

Many pieces of my furniture are antiques, they used to belong to my grandmother. My bedroom and dining room sets are 94 years old. I know they are valuable (though their value to me is not monetary). I love having them, but they have been sadly neglected. Old wood dries out, plus having three dogs in the house leads to lots of dust and grime. Boy, the wood really soaked up that oil, but tonight it is clean and gleaming!

I thought I had kept up with the laundry, but then R (youngest son) cleaned out his car. He kind of lives out of his car, he goes from school, to work, to friends', to home, to work (or some semblance of that). In the interim, he changes clothes and throws the ones he took off in his car. He carried in three arm loads of clothes, announcing, "I found out where all my clothes went." Now, I know he is old enough to do his own laundry, but I'd rather he didn't. Call it control issues, perfectionism, whatever, but there you go. (I will say that he, or at least one of the boys living here at the time, broke my old washer by over-loading it.) He is also a chef, he wears a uniform. Certain restaurant kitchens (usually the more upscale ones) tend to be a bit militaristic. His chef's jacket is white, and it has to be white. No stains, spots or dinginess are acceptable. Of course, the same jacket has black trim, so it cannot be bleached. Let's just say, I am a pro at getting out stains.

I am still not done around here, I am on a mission. I know that the clean will not last, I sweep up mounds of dog and cat hair daily, but I am determined. Maybe it is time I got back to work!

For those of you who celebrate Chanukah, I know I missed it, but happy belated. J sent me this link, I had forgotten about this song. I am posting it here, enjoy!

Christmas morning and squirrels

This morning I awoke, not to sleigh bells or children's excited voices, but to dogs barking. Apparently squirrels do not take Christmas off. I am also realizing, that my own squirrel obsession is beginning to rival the dogs'. My suspicions are leading to the development of a conspiracy theory, I believe I have discovered the mastermind.



Perhaps Homeland Security is monitoring me via squirrel surveillance. The inauguration can't come soon enough.

On an even lighter note, I am posting this clip for J. Just remember, you may be a millionare playboy to everyone else, but, to me, you are a superhero. (You slip into the super suit, while I get the super sauce.)

Tis the night before Christmas

I am sitting here thinking of holiday seasons past. Tonight I am alone, my oldest son and his family stopped by a little earlier. We will have our family time together on Saturday, they have enough to do tomorrow with her family and the little ones. My youngest son is working, this is a very busy time for a restaurant and he is now their primary sushi chef.

When the boys were both at home, they both had their own trees and ornaments for their rooms. When N married, he took his with him, R has not put his up for a couple of years. Tonight, for a surprise, I put his tree up in his room. It brought back wonderful memories as I hung each of the ornaments.

Today, I baked and wrapped presents. R and I agreed to only get a few things for each other so we could buy more for the grandkids. N and his family have had a hard year financially, I know that Christmas added to the stress. Though, between myself and the other grandparents the children will not be disappointed.

This is a reflective and grateful time of year for me. I have been listening to Christmas music all day. My favorite Christmas albums are by Mannheim Steamroller. Their music is so upbeat and happy. I am also a sucker for light displays. Here's a little of both...



Listening to Handel's Messiah has been a Christmas tradition. My father used to play the whole thing every year, three records in a boxed set from Reader's Digest. He was a sucker for Reader's Digest boxed music sets. We would always sing along when he played it. I have also performed it in a choir several times. When N was young, from 3rd grade through 6th grade (when his voice changed), he was part of the Cincinnati Boychoir. It was an honor and a privilege, I was quite proud of him. They traveled extensively and performed about 40 concerts a year. In order to audition, the boys must be referred by their school's music director. They performed at Disneyworld, the Crystal Cathedral, the Cincinnati May Festival and the Stratford Shakespeare Festival, as well as many other local venues. I always loved hearing them sing the Hallelujah Chorus, especially when they were performing in one of the local, historic cathedrals. This is not them, but I still have a soft spot for boychoirs.



I am happy, content and peaceful this evening. I hope that you all are feeling a similar peace. Happy Holidays, however you celebrate them.

traditions in food

I have cleaned up the kitchen and am about to embark on my annual cookie baking enterprise. In past years, I began shortly after Thanksgiving, this year I have scaled things back due to time and money. I have many memories from my childhood of baking and cooking with all the women of my family. Certainly, at Christmastime, we mixed, rolled, and baked dozens of cookies. My kitchen memories are not reserved only for holidays though. Summertime was spent canning, often after we did the picking. My grandmother always made applesauce, which was then frozen. Our German heritage allowed me to develop certain tastes not shared by my friends. Sauerkraut and Goetta being two of them. I'm not sure if it was the decade I grew up in, or my family heritage, but casseroles (or hot dishes) were week night staples.

My father grew up in Minnesota, it was summer visits there that introduced me to the foods of my Czech heritage. It is also those memories that sent me googling for recipes today. I will write to my aunt (in Minneapolis) for the family recipe, but I wanted one right now. My recipe quest today...kolaches. For those of you poor souls not familiar, these are Czechoslovakian pastries. Similar to small danishes, traditionally topped with prune, apricot, poppyseed or cheese filling. I am not sure what spurred my memory, except I just received a Christmas card from my aunt and began to reminisce about summers spent in the land of a thousand lakes and a million mosquitoes. Kolaches are part of those memories. With several recipes off of the web, I will purchase ingredients in the next few days and I may start a new Christmas morning tradition. (Though for the many previous Christmases, I have always made Monkey Bread, so I may have to just add a new tradition, rather than replace an old one.)

It's funny, the comforting value of the food we grew up with. My first husband was a country boy (read: redneck). When we were newly married he asked me to fix soupbeans. My suburban self fixed bean soup. That was when I discovered that they were NOT the same thing. I am a pretty good country cook now, thanks to his mother. I also learned that when cooking for him, we had to have potatoes at every meal! It had to be potatoes, pasta didn't count.

When my father was alive, he always asked me to fix Shepherd's Pie. My oldest son still asks me to fix Cowboy Chow. That was actually a cheap beans and rice dish, that I gave a kid friendly name to so they would eat it. Any time my youngest (the one in culinary school) sees a chicken in the fridge, he asks me if I am going to fix chicken and dumplings. While they were growing up, I got very adept at cheap meals that could stretch the budget. I can still get three meals out of one chicken. Even if the last one is chicken soup (with little chicken and lots of noodles and veggies). I still don't dare offer up a birthday cake with canned icing, only home-made buttercream will do.

As far as Christmas baking...Snickerdoodles, Chocolate Crinkles, Santa's Whiskers, and Candy Cane cookies. Don't let me forget the fudge and the cracker candy (that would be saltines covered with toffee and chocolate - don't judge until you have tasted it!).

Oh, if any of you have a good kolache recipe, you know where to find me!

The saga continues...

Little did I know just how obsessed the dogs are with squirrels, until I spent the day at home with them. This morning two city trucks came by, one for leaf collection and then the street sweeper. Both of them were incredibly loud and slow moving, yet the dogs did not even perk up one ear among them. An hour later, they were all at the window, growling, barking and going crazy. I thought maybe someone was coming to the door. Then I spotted it, one house down and across the street, a squirrel! That was the object of their attention and the source of their agitation. It does make me wonder if the dogs know something about squirrels that I don't. I do wish the squirrels would relocate though.


moar funny pictures

Brrrr...

I live in Ohio. You know what they say...If you don't like the weather, just wait a few hours. In a twenty four hour period, the temperature has dropped from 50 degrees to 19 (feels like 2) degrees. We had a little bit of freezing rain last night, not enough to make a difference, but today the wind is brisk and biting. I'm so glad that I waited until this morning to go out and run errands. It would have been a shame to just hide out in my nice warm house. No fear though, by the end of the week it should be 50 again.

Wintry mix

In these days, as the rest of the country has been slammed and immobilized by mounds of snow and ice, our temperature soared into the fifties. The forecast had predicted a wintry mix, that's forecaster talk for ,"we have no idea, so expect anything." Of course, I had just mopped the floor again, so that clinched it for rain. Mopping my floor is akin to washing your car, it is a simple act that can amass rain clouds quicker than anything.

My house has gone to the dogs again, mud, dirt and dog hair have settled on everything. The furniture cushions are torn and chewed. Dakota's babies lie all over the floor, muddy and eyeless. Tucker has no interest in toys, other than to steal them away and try and rip off their heads, while Dakota stands by in a state of anxiety, afraid to take them back. (No matter that Dakota is 100 pounds and Tucker is 40 pounds, they both know who is boss.) My job as the dog mommy is to mediate the sibling rivalry and to keep Tucker's alpha nature in check, by asserting myself over all of them. Their jobs, as my four legged children, are to be cute and loving and to keep reminding me why I have sacrificed money and cleanliness for living in a kennel. They are much better at their jobs than I am.

Christmas is in less than a week and I am sadly unprepared. I do however, have the next two weeks off, at this point I am hoping to be more productive than lazy. Friday, at work, we had a Christmas party for our group. Though I have tried to keep a professional detachment with our guys, I recognize the fact, that for a couple of them, Christmas is a sad and lonely time. At least two of them will spend Christmas in their group home, with no family interaction and few presents. This is a fact that may prompt a home visit from me, with presents that I really can't afford.

I often wonder if they will win the battle. Their issues and offenses will always follow them. They live with the stigma and the labels that overshadow their talents and intelligence. Even within the professional agency I work for, they are viewed as undeserving, unsalvageable. They know they are pariahs, outcasts. As much as I shouldn't, I take it personally. Their battle has become my battle, their successes are my successes, their failures are mine as well. When they ask me why I am hard on them, why I ride their asses? I tell them it is because I know what they are capable of, I know they can do better. I want to say, "Because I fight for you, I stand up to your team and put myself on the line. I push to get you opportunities, privileges, work, inclusion." I may be their biggest critic, but I am also their biggest fan. Working with them is a lot like being a dog mommy, I manage the pack, I recognize the pecking order and I assert myself as the alpha. The forecast for their lives is a wintry mix. For some of them, the sun will eventually shine, but some of them will never escape the storm.

Christmas eating tips

This is from an e-mail I received. This little gem has been circulating for awhile, I seem to remember it from last year. Good advice in any case, after all, aren't excess and gluttony what the holidays are all about?



Christmas Eating Tips.....

Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.

Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine single-malt scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than single-malt scotch. You can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-aholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!

If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano.
As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.

Same for pies. Apple, Pumpkin, Mincemeat, have a slice of each. Or, if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have SOME standards.

One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Reread tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.

Another Christmas memory

Okay, it seems this daily posting thing is not working for me. It only contributes to frustration and writer's block. For that reason, I will post as much as possible, but, obviously, it won't be everyday.

I was thinking about the holidays of past years and a wonderful memory popped up. It involves my youngest son. First a little background on him. He is now twenty, working full time in a restaurant and going to school for culinary arts. He is seven years younger than his brother, he grew up without his father being around. He is definitely all boy, he has always excelled at sports, he loves the outdoors (hunting, fishing, camping, etc.), he is a very hard worker, he has a lot of empathy and an extremely soft heart, he has always attracted the ladies.

To expound on some of these things, he has had more squad runs and emergency room visits than any mother should have to endure. He has had broken bones, concussions and once was even impaled on a piece of metal (that is its own story - too long for this post). I have had more than one phone call at work, informing me that he was en route to the hospital in an ambulance. He has held different jobs and has worked pretty steadily since he was 15 years old. He loves animals (even more than me) and has brought home more strays than I can count. We have raised baby birds, bunnies, possums and adopted many dogs and cats due to his efforts. He has always befriended and stood up for the underdog, even when he didn't always agree with what they stood for, but he always fought for their rights. He does not pursue the girls or always pay attention to them, but they are always buzzing around him, hoping. Of course, currently, he has a long time girlfriend of about two years, who will probably become my daughter-in-law. He is not a perfect child, far from it. He's had (and overcome) more than his share of problems and I'm proud of him for that and for who he has become. This really isn't a mother's praise post, so I will get on with the memory.

When he was 12, he often brought home treasures that he scavenged out of other people's garbage. One of those things was a large, light-up, plastic Santa. At Christmastime that year, I placed the Santa in the front garden for a decoration. I always did tons of decorating inside for Christmas, but sadly neglected the outside. About a week before Christmas I came home from work, only to have him meet me in the front yard. He was all excited and told me that he had decorated outside for me. I looked around and saw nothing. He told me to look up. There on the roof, duct-taped to the chimney, was the plastic Santa, complete with an orange extension cord trailing down to the outlet. It was one of those moments, as a mother, that I didn't know whether to smile or yell. I had visions of him climbing a ladder, Santa in tow, with no one to make sure he didn't fall. Pushing the lump in my throat back down to my stomach, I hugged him and told him it looked great. Then I told him to never get on a ladder again when I wasn't home.

White Christmas

Okay, I got nuthin'.

Except this...

Dear Santa

Dear Santa,

I honestly don't remember ever writing to you before, though I am sure I did as a child. Let's face it, I think you owe me. We both know that any Christmas wishes I had as a child were fulfilled by my parents. As an adult (especially in my post-mother years) I have been a pretty good elf to you. The presents that have appeared under my tree, may have bore your name, but it was written in my hand-writing. So, I am not trying to be selfish, but I just want my due. Here is my list...

• I really want to lose about forty pounds, without dieting or exercise of course.
• I know your elves are very busy right now, but so am I, so if a couple of them could make a trip to my house and do a little cleaning and sprucing up that would be great.
• I still have a lot of shopping to complete, but no money. Either a prepaid Visa or a deposit into my account (hey, $500 should do it), pick whichever option is easier for you.
• Another couple of hours tacked onto each day until Christmas would help with my time crunch. I know you can do this, after all, you fly all the way around the world in one night.
• I'm in the Secret Santa gift exchange at work. You know how much I hate that shit, so just deliver three more presents for me, on the appropriate days. $5 limit, $10 for the last one. I trust you to pick out something good.
• A little magic on Wall Street would be great, I have a few more stocks to sell (to pay for my son's school bill) and I'm really tired of losing money. An 800 point recovery for the Dow would give many people a better holiday.

There are more things I could ask for, but I don't want to be greedy here. At least I gave you a list that is much easier to achieve than peace on earth. I know that would be impossible, even for a holiday icon, such as yourself.

Oh, and put a hold on that pony request from 40 years ago. I already have three dogs and I am having trouble feeding and cleaning up after them.

Thanks, Alice

Christmas past

Okay, so much for posting daily, but sometimes life gets in the way. I was going to write about my most vivid Christmas memory, but I couldn't narrow it down, so here are memories of Christmases past.

When I was a little girl, my mother would bake and decorate Christmas cut-out cookies to hang on the tree to supplement the ornaments. I also did this when the boys were young, before I had so many ornaments. The boys always thought it was great fun to be able to eat the ornaments off of the tree!

On Christmas mornings of my youth, my father always took home movies. We were never allowed to begin opening presents, until he had the lights and the camera set up. I remember many Christmas morning, begging him to hurry up. Of course, we had to then open up presents, one at a time, and hold them up for the camera.

When I was newly married (in my first marriage), we lived on the fourth floor of a tenement building (no elevator). We were pretty strapped for money, so my husband told me not to buy a Christmas tree. He told me that we wouldn't even be home for Christmas (we were going to both my parents' house and his mother's). I was appalled to think we wouldn't have a tree. The week before, I walked three blocks to the tree lot, while he was at work (we were sharing a car at the time), bought a small tree, dragged it the three blocks home and up four flights of stairs (considering all, it held up pretty well). My aunt had given me a tree stand and some old ornaments that I used. We argued about it when he got home (one of our first fights, but not the last), since I had defied his wishes. However, we had his daughters on Christmas morning and he thanked me for it then.

The first Christmas in our first house, was actually spent at my mother-in-law's house. Our furnace went out on Christmas Eve and our house was freezing. Due to the holiday, we couldn't get a repairman out until the day after Christmas. (Despite the way it sounds, we really did have some lovely holidays together.)

When the boys were still both at home and I was a single mom, we always went to the candlelight service on Christmas Eve. When we got home, it was usually after midnight and we would open one gift apiece before we went to bed. One year, I bought us all laser tag vests and guns. I made sure that those were the gifts that everyone opened that night. We ended up running around the yard after midnight, in the snow, playing laser tag. I think we finally got to bed about 2:00 am.

I have a lot of European glass ornaments that I have collected over the years. One of them is a pickle. The tradition is that after all the gifts are opened, there is one more surprise gift. Whoever can spot the pickle (hidden somewhere on the tree) first, gets the extra gift. They still expect me to have a "pickle" present.

The demon cat, that we still have now, has a bow fetish. She stalks the presents under the tree, stealing the bows and ripping up the paper. I now wait until Christmas morning to put the gifts out. But, the first year we had her, before I knew, we woke up Christmas morning to find that she had "unwrapped" all of the presents.

So...what is your favorite Christmas memory?

About me

I intended to participate in Holidailies this year, but when I checked the site on December 1st, it still said to check back soon. Apparently, they had things up right after that, scheduled to begin on December 5th, but I didn't see it until December 6th. It is now the 7th and I am going to try and play along with the home version, even though I haven't registered. I will see how it goes. Today, I am using one of their writing prompts, it said to introduce yourself. Since many of you have been reading along, you may already know something about me, but I will try to fill in some of the blanks.

I turned fifty this year, I guess that is middle age (and since I probably won't live to be 100, I suppose I have been there for a while). Yet, I do not feel middle aged, I feel like I am in the beginning stages of so many things. There is still so much I want to do, so many things I have yet to finish (or even begin), so much I am still learning. I hope that I never stop learning and evolving.

I live in Ohio, I have my entire life. I have been married (and divorced) twice, I have two sons (both now grown) that I primarily raised by myself. I now have three grandchildren, ages six, five and (almost) three. I also have three dogs (my surrogate children) and one cat that my oldest son left behind. I am trying to finish my college degree, but am currently on hiatus from school, due to money and transportation. I work in a day program with individuals who have disabilities and/or mental health disorders. I am sure that there are a lot more of the incidentals that I could include here, but my memoirs or biography would take up much more room than a blog post.

I always thought that life would get easier as I got older. I thought that things would slow down and I would have time for all of those someday things. I also thought that I would be much more financially secure. Those things might have happened, but I have made certain decisions in my life that impacted that. Some of those decisions I regret, most of them I don't. I sometimes wonder how I will ever be able to retire and since I don't know, I plan to work forever. I do enjoy working though and just staying home, for whatever reason, just does not work for me. I still am determined to finish my degree, I still hope it will happen in 2009, but even if it takes longer than that, I absolutely will do it (I am very close). I still plan to go for my Masters after that, and maybe another undergrad, since my interests and goals keep expanding. Heck, if I can go to school for a really long time, eventually I will die and stick the government with my unpaid loans.

I love to write and I will continue to do it. I know I could be much better at it and that is my goal. Maybe, with much luck and work and commitment, I may get published someday. I have a couple of short stories that my sister keeps pestering me to submit, but I don't think they are good enough, though I am flattered that she does. At the very least, I want to write something for my children and grandchildren (and whoever comes along after that). Some thoughts, traditions, family history, parts of my life that I don't ever want them to know until after I am dead, that is what I want to leave behind for them. I want to show them who I really was and why, though I might not have those answers yet. Writing is something that I make time for, regardless of how busy I become.

There are so many things that I love to do. I don't know if I would call them hobbies, because there are too many of them and I don't devote enough time to any of them. Some of those things are: quilting, sewing, cooking, gardening, various art projects, volunteering, reading, camping, hiking, travelling, entertaining, there's more, but isn't that enough? When I was younger, I owned and showed horses. I always thought I would, someday, do that again. Now, I don't have any idea where the time, money or energy for that would come from, but then again...

I sort of live my life with a someday attitude. No, I am not putting things off, I am actually very busy. There is just so much I want to do, and rather than tell myself I can't, I tell myself I will do it someday. What I ever get to actually depdends on how long I live. If I rely on family history to predict that, I will make it into my eighties (and be active until the end). My personal history, as a smoker and a cancer survivor, may negatively effect that. But when I am gone, I am gone, until then I am going to keep at it and do as much as I can.

Spiritually, I classify myself as a Christian, but others view me more as a Universalist. Whatever label I wear, I know what I believe, but I am also constantly seeking and open to other theologies. I do have a strong faith and it has seen me through a lot. Though other Christians might think I am a heretic. I do find wisdom and value in all sorts of religions, beliefs and philosophies and I don't have a problem incorporating pieces of it all together. Maybe all of us are wrong, but in the end, I just don't want to have led a hypocritical life.

Politically, I am very liberal, maybe a Socialist, but I am also practical. What that means is that I won't start a revolution, but I didn't say I wouldn't support one. I have a global sense of responsibility, we are citizens of the world. I know there are needs within our own country, but the poverty and injustice outside our borders makes me cry. I think we all have a responsibility to do something about it, and if that means someday (there's that word again) flying halfway around the world, I will. My favorite quote: Be ashamed to die until you have won some victory for humanity. ~ Horace Mann

That's what I really want, for Google to actually have the answers to all the hard questions. Other than that, you have me in a nutshell. Oh, except for the whole kink/sex/submissive part, for that read my other blog. If I've left anything out (and I've left a whole lot out) feel free to ask me about it. I just might tell you, and then again, I might not.

bilingual

My grandchildren are here tonight, their parents are out celebrating their anniversary. The older two are sleeping, they went to bed hours ago. The youngest is still awake, fighting sleep and softly singing to himself. Even though it is very late, I am sure he will be the first one up in the morning.

Earlier this evening, the dogs were whining to go out. After I let them out, I waited by the door, it is in the single digits here and I didn't want them to stay out too long. When I came back to the living room, H, the six year old, asked me a question...

"Grandma, do you speak dog?"

"What?"

"How did you know what they were saying? Do you speak dog?"

"Well...I guess I do."

"Wow, I didn't know you were bilingual."

So there you have it, another one of my amazing talents!

My two sons are extremely different from one another. Growing up they never seemed to get along. They do not fight now, but they are not close. This week they touched my heart. In several small ways, they showed much love and respect for each other. That is the kind of thing that makes a mother smile. It was nothing they said to each other, it was a few acts of kindness that they both did, I guess they are bilingual too. Their communication is rarely verbal.

I'll wrap this up with my all time favorite music video. I have definitely been in an Alanis mood for a while.

squirrel saga

The weather here has been a persistent, cold rain. I heard it hitting the window when the dogs woke me up this morning. I had slept later than usual and they were frantic to go outside. After letting them out, I realized that they weren't frantic to pee, they were frantic to chase squirrels. Apparently, they had been watching a squirrel invasion of our yard through the window.

My dogs have never encountered any other evilness the likes of these squirrels. When it comes to chasing squirrels, my dogs do not have enough sense to come in out of the rain. Seriously, all three of them, jumping around the base of a tree, in pouring down rain, for 45 minutes. Even bribes of leftover turkey would not dissuade them from their post. I am ever so glad that I thoroughly mopped the kitchen floor yesterday. Otherwise, the muddy paw prints would not have been nearly so prominent. Rosco is definitely the worst of the squirrel nazis. He will spend hours hunting and guarding against squirrels. Just try to imagine, if you will, how much muddy rainwater this fuzzball can soak up. Normally attentive and obedient, he will not even acknowledge my presence when squirrels are afoot.

I like to think of myself as a lover of wildlife, and in one regard, that is true. I enjoy the flora and fauna of the outdoors. I love camping and hiking and generally communing with nature. However, my opinion of squirrels is pretty low. They are rodents. I used to think they were cute, but I realize that they are little more than rats who know how to accessorize. Take away that fluffy tail and you have a rat. In my neck of the woods (the suburbs) they are rampant. Add in the teasing and aggravating of my dogs and I wish for a squirrel free zone.

For when it comes to squirrels, my dogs have nothing on Dog the Bounty Hunter. Perhaps they have seen this on the post office wall.

It does not matter that they are outsmarted daily by the squirrels. They are sure that it is just a matter of time and luck until they apprehend their prey. I only hope that they would be as protective in the case of a real intruder, but I have my doubts. Unless said intruder happened to look like this...

Maybe squirrel accessorizing is really catching on.

Thankful thoughts

I am sitting here this morning, reflecting on the day ahead. The turkey will go in the oven in a few hours, we are eating late today. I love Thanksgiving, for a number of reasons. I have much to be thankful for, several things have already touched me today and made me think.

First thing this morning, I got out a graph that was made by my father 11 years ago. It includes roasting times, at two different temperatures, for turkeys based on weight. He made it in 1997 and sent it to all of his children. I am probably the only one who still has it and uses it every year. My father was an engineer, there are some things that you can only appreciate if you have ever lived with an engineer. Over the years, I have collected engineer humor sent to me by my sisters. My father would have never seen the humor in these jokes, but reading them makes me love him more.

You might be an engineer if...

You wear a pocket protector and it is full of mechanical pencils.
When a three year old asks "Why is the sky blue?" you start explaining it to them.
You can explain which direction the water spins as you flush the toilet and why.
You read PC World and Popular Mechanics, while on vacation.
Your idea of good interpersonal communication means getting the decimal point in the right place.
At Christmas, you will spend hours finding the burnt out light bulb on the string of Christmas lights.
You own a slide rule and know how to use it.
You can remember seven computer passwords, but not your anniversary.
You've actually used your time to fix a $5.00 radio (and had all the parts on hand to do it).
The highlight of your Caribbean cruise was the Captain's tour of the engine room.
You consider yourself well-dressed, if your socks match.
You have built your stereo or television from a Heathkit.
You know the second law of thermo-dynamics, but not your own shirt size.
You see the truth, but not the humor in any of the above.

I am thankful to have been raised by an engineer.


A few weeks ago, this occurred in Nippert Stadium at the University of Cincinnati.

I am thankful that this kind of sportsmanship and compassion still exists.
Mardy Gilyard is a wide receiver for the Bearcats. After crashing into the sidelines and accidentally hitting a seven year old spectator, he took off his helmet and hugged the frightened child. This young man has overcome his share of difficulties. As a freshman, he lost his scholarship, his home and his place on the team due to being placed on academic probation. Instead of quitting and blaming others, he lived in his car and worked four jobs to pay his tuition. His perseverance has been rewarded by getting his place on the team and his scholarship back. I hope that his parents, his coach and his team are all as proud of him as I am.

I am thankful for my family and my friends, they love me, offer me support and enrich my life. I am thankful for my job, in these economic times, it is rare to have job security. I am thankful for my dogs, who offer an unlimited source of affection and amusement for me (and they diligently protect us from the evil squirrels). I am thankful for my home, obtaining it, maintaining it and occupying it for 15 years is nothing short of miraculous. I am thankful for J, he enriches my life in more ways than I can count. He has met needs in me that I did not even know I had. I am a much better person because of him.

For all of you that are celebrating Thanksgiving, and all of you who are not, I wish for you a glorious day. I hope that you all have as much to be thankful for as I do.

contradictions

I have been engaging in a lot of self-examination lately. I have always thought of myself as a peace loving person. I have studied the philosophy of war and just war theory. I believe, in most cases, war is unjustified. I feel the same way about fighting on a lesser scale. While I believe that violence is part of human nature, I also view it as largely unnecessary. I have never been involved in a street fight, bar room brawl or any other type of similar altercation. I do deal with violent individuals and (occasionally) fights at work. We are trained in methods of deescalation and physical restraints and while I am skilled at it, I certainly do not like it.

The contradiction that exists within me is my enjoyment and fascination of certain sports. I love boxing and hockey. I enjoy watching two athletes pummel each other until they are punch drunk or bloody. I like watching hockey, but I am always secretly hoping for a fight to break out (which it does quite often). To attend a hockey game, where no fight occurs, is a bit of a disappointment to me. I don't think that I can even define the appeal. There is just something about the rawness, the brute force and the intensity that excites me. I don't want to engage in it, just watch it. It does make me wonder about what that says about me.


That's what I'm talking about!


Ali really was the greatest of all time.

Have a Nice Day

This post is for J. I know how difficult work has been for him. I wanted to communicate how much I completely understand that (and hopefully make him smile).

Perhaps a different management style might benefit your employees.

If business doesn't improve, there will always be other opportunities.

Remember...sometimes telling someone to fuck off, may prompt them to come up with their own answer.

Eventually, things will get better (or you will die).

The next time you are in an unproductive meeting, which is taking your valuable time away from real work, think of this truth and smile.

Images are from Despair.com.

Soulful

Some things just touch my soul. They cause me to feel that profound, deep, emotional connection. I have been experiencing that a lot lately, that ache deep inside, that tug on my heart. I have been very reflective lately. I am changing, evolving. I know this is a growth process, yet changes are hard.

This past year with J has changed me. He has changed me, much healing has occurred, my ability to trust has been re-established, I have opened myself up again. For years I have been reserved and private. I have had a few close friends, but mostly just acquaintances. That is one of the changes, I am letting more people into my life. I am relearning relationships. I had become emotionally selfish. I guarded my emotions carefully and did not let people in. I am still rather private, but I no longer hold people at arms length. I am learning that boundaries do not have to be walls. It is nice to accept love and caring from people, without searching for ulterior motives. I am still learning to accept others and to accept myself. Funny, how self-acceptance is often the hardest.

Here are some things that touch my soul...


Yo Yo Ma performing Silent Woods by Antonin Dvorak

Incidentally, I am related to Dvorak on my father's side.


Andrea Bocelli - Resta Qui

I sometimes think I could have an orgasm from listening to him sing. Not that you even wanted to know that.

Yes, We Can!

Barack Obama - Bringing sexyback to Washington!

Did You?

It's been a long road to the polls today. Lots of emotion and lots of drama. Regardless of who wins, we are experiencing history. Voter turn out at the polls may be the largest we have ever seen, at least the largest in a long time. The last eight years and the state of the country has motivated people to exercise their right to vote. Love it or hate it, I agree with Michelle Obama, "What we have learned over this year is that hope is making a comeback. It is making a comeback. And let me tell you something -- for the first time in my adult lifetime, I am really proud of my country. And not just because Barack has done well, but because I think people are hungry for change. And I have been desperate to see our country moving in that direction and just not feeling so alone in my frustration and disappointment. I've seen people who are hungry to be unified around some basic common issues, and it's made me proud."

And the best part? The robo-calls have finally stopped!

Post-Halloween-Post

I love, love, love Halloween! I always have. Last night was trick-or-treat night here. The grandchildren came over and their parents took them around to collect loot, while I stayed home and passed out candy.

I sat on the front porch with our little hound, Tucker. (He is the calmest of the dogs.) I love seeing all the kids in their costumes. I love it when the "big" kids dress up and come around as well. I remember trick-or-treating even in Junior High. We would hit the streets and keep going for hours, ending up miles away from our house. Times were different then. We would get homemade treats, popcorn balls and caramel apples, and yes, we would eat them. I remember once visiting with an elderly gentleman, who was lonely (a stranger to us at the time). He told us that he had lost his wife that year and he didn't get many visitors, when we left, he asked us to return. Which we did and formed a friendship that lasted for years. I know there were dangers, even then, but it was easier to trust in the goodness of people.

I like the homemade costumes better. For years, I always made the boys costumes each year. I sewed devil suits, vampire capes, scarecrow outfits and Davey Crockett, frontiersman garb. Last night I saw fairies, butterflies, ghouls, sports players and even a Twister game costume. The grandchildren were knights and a kitty. I dressed up for work (we do dress up on Halloween) and was a zombie bride.

We had a late supper last night of tacos and apple cider. I did manage to limit the candy intake. Though, from the level of hyperness today, you would not believe me. This morning we baked muffins for breakfast. The kids brought their small pumpkins from their field-trip. We cut them open and scraped out the seeds. The kids are coloring and I am writing this, while we wait for them to bake so we can make pumpkin pies.

Thanksgiving is next, I am already planning the menu. Of course it is pretty traditional and doesn't change much from year to year. Thanksgiving will usher in the Christmas season, decorating, baking, making presents, wrapping...but now I am getting way ahead of myself.

A New Outlook

Saturday, my grandchildren came over and we went to a nearby church for a Halloween party. This is not a church that I attend, but they host a lot of community outreach events. I was pleasantly amused when as we arrived, their sound system was playing "Let's do the Time Warp" from Rocky Horror. Although, there were no transvestites, we were greeted by a 1920's flapper. This is a church where I might feel comfortable.



It was a lovely event planned for the little ones, unfortunately for the church, the turn out was small. Lucky for us though, the kids got lots of attention and lots of loot. Afterwards we went out for hamburgers and ice cream. I don't mind getting them sugared up when I know I am sending them home. They will be back next Friday to trick or treat and then spend the night. That sugar rush will be all mine!

Sunday was a lazy day. I went to the grocery, and to the thrift store with my daughter-in-law to round out the kids' winter wardrobes. The rest of the day was spent cleaning, cooking and playing with the dogs. I really needed a couple of fun and lazy days. I think I will be able to return to work with a much better outlook.

Just wanted to write something short and sweet, to let you all know that I am coming out of my funk. And of course, I can't resist ending with another cartoon of a political nature. The election will be here before you know it.

Requiem

I am mourning the loss of my expectations. Expectations of myself, of others and of life. I have struggled to get through the week, I wanted to ditch work and spend the day in bed. I am a mix of emotions, most of them negative. I am still pulling most of the work load, because my co-worker is a fucking waste of oxygen. Conflict has been brewing among the clients in my group, things came to a head on Tuesday when two of them got in a fist fight. I got to break up the fight, while my co-worker was around the corner on his phone. Before I make it sound too terrible, I did not have to physically intervene. I yelled, loudly, as I was running to break it up and they backed off. The week at work just seemed to deteriorate after that.

My son and I have been arguing more. Okay not really arguing, but there has been tension and comments. We are both stressed, he is now working and going to school (gee, welcome to my world) and I am just in a funk. I have tried to talk to him about things, but we are both taking everything personally.

I have not been on top of things like I usually am. I forgot about one of the bills and now I don't have quite enough money to pay it. I forgot to get my prescription refilled and now I am out of it for the weekend. I normally thrive on being busy and can multi-task pretty well, lately I have been resentful over it.

I have not been reading all of the blogs that I usually do. Anni commented back to me, that sometimes, it makes her feel vulnerable, I realized that it makes me feel the same way. I also have not been writing as much, for the same reason. I couple of bloggers I read have made the decision to stop blogging, another one (who had a terminal illness) has died. Though, I have never personally met these people, it made me incredibly sad to lose them. I have been trying to work through these emotions, without wallowing in them. Feelings of sadness, loss and inadequacy make us human and help us grow. Maybe I am experiencing growing pains.

The whole incident at work has caused me to think. I am good at my job. I have worked in my field for over fifteen years. I have worked in behavioral units for the past nine years. I am trained to deal with aggressive and violent behaviors. I requested to work in this particular unit. I am not afraid to intervene when I need to. All of that aside, this latest incident shook me up. It was not so horrible, certainly not the worst I have dealt with, but for a split second, I hesitated. That may not seem like a big deal, but it is. My hesitation could cause someone to get seriously hurt.

I have been replaying it all week in my head. I know why I hesitated. I have always trusted the other staff to back me up, but now I don't. Our unit is more isolated and partially locked, additional help is not easily accessible. I am also not as physically strong as I used to be. I am not sure that I could restrain one of these guys by myself. My confidence is a little bit shaken. Yes, I have beaten myself up over this. My supervisor has commended me for how I dealt with the fight, she has acknowledged the serious problems with my co-worker, she has verbally addressed things with him and she has told me that I am (we are) stuck with him.

I have been feeling stuck with a lot of things. I know this is a misconception. I am not stuck, some things have just changed. To live is to be in a state of flux. Life is an amalgamation of our experiences, up to and including death. I may not like feeling vulnerable, but I am, we all are. I am not more vulnerable lately, I am just more aware of it. Much of what happens in life is outside of the scope of my control, I have to accept that and deal with it. The funny thing is, that is one of the pearls of wisdom, that I try to impart to my clients (and my children), everyday. Yet, I am still learning it. I don't think that this particular lesson is one we can master, it is a continuous process.

To mourn, we have to acknowledge a loss, express a regret. It means that we had something valuable in our lives to lose. It means that we were blessed with sometimg important and valuable to begin with. We may view those gifts as transitory, but each one of them touched us and changed us in some way. Even if we have lost them, we are better for having had them. We will be better still, if we have learned something from their loss.

Poverty

October 15th was Blog Action Day. Several bloggers that I read participated in this event. Over 12 thousand bloggers wrote on the issue of poverty, in order to raise money and awareness. I did not participate at the time, I felt unable to come up with anything that was profound enough, wise enough, to do justice to the topic. I felt that to force something would be unsuitable. I was wrong.
I now realize that I did not need to write something profound, I did not need to solve the problems of the world. I needed to think small, to keep things simple.

There are some realities of the world that can be too harsh and overwhelming, poverty is one of these. Life is sometimes very difficult, it is easy to engage in a bit of self-pity. Many months I struggle to pay my bills, I have been without a car for over a year, my oldest son has been unemployed for most of the past year, my younger son has no insurance and also has some health problems. When I dwell on these very personal realities, it is easy to decide that someone besides me, should worry about the poor. That is also why I need to keep in mind the harsher global realities. Over 24,000 people died of hunger today, most of them were children. About $40 million was spent on pet food in the USA and Europe today, my dogs eat better than many people. More than 800 million people will go to bed hungry tonight. Over a billion people live on less than a dollar a day.

When faced with those sobering statistics, I have to come to my senses and decide to leave the pity party. I am rich, I live in abundance. My awareness can be a catalyst for change. I may not be Bill Gates, I cannot set up a foundation out of my wealth, but I can share what I have. I can support local shelters and food pantries, both with my time and donations. I can share my home, both for a meal and for a bed. I can reach out to individuals, that I know, whose needs exceed my own. I can keep my surplus "stuff" (clothes, goods, household items) out of landfills, by donating to an organization that will give it a second life. I can be aware of the impact of my spending, our consumer dollars drive economic policies. I can educate myself on trade agreements, the IMF, and the World Bank and cast my votes based on that knowledge. I can educate my grandchildren to be aware of poverty and have a desire to change things. I can create and promote an atmosphere of empathy, rather than a culture of hate. I can promote awareness by writing this post.

How Angelina Jolie and I are exactly alike...almost

I think that Angelina Jolie is one of the sexiest women alive. I realize that many people may disagree or dislike her for a myriad of reasons, but she tops my beautiful women category. She recently did an interview with People Magazine and after reading it, I realized that we are exactly alike (except for the ways in which we a different). First, I will briefly summarize her interview and then I will show you our vast similarities.

In the interview, she states that she never planned on getting pregnant, but after she fell in love with Brad she suddenly felt open to it. He convinced her it was the right thing to do. She said it is one of those things you just can't explain. She also said that after having three children, she genuinely feels even sexier.

I also could not explain my desire to have children with my first husband (looking back, I still can't). And I suppose that he did not convince me, I convinced him, with impeccable reasoning. He had two children from a previous marriage. He had told me that he did not want more children, but being young and stupid, I...a) did not believe him and b) thought it would all work out. It did work out. I coerced him into a baby by telling him that I was getting pregnant and since he was my husband, he might be the best choice to be the father. (In retrospect, I was wrong, he was not the best choice.) After a baby and four more years of marriage, we divorced and I raised my son by myself. As for the even sexier after three children part, I now realize that I just needed to have one more child to achieve that level of sexiness.

I know that my comparison is a little thin, so I will tell you the rest of the ways we are alike. She is famous and fabulously rich. I am not so famous and drowning in debt. She adopts chldren from all over the world. I adopt dogs from local shelters. We both have dark brown hair. (Of course anymore, mine comes from a bottle and changes shades monthly.) She has a killer body, I dream of having a killer body.

See...exactly alike.

All I Really Want...

~All I really want is some patience, a way to calm the angry voice.
Alanis Morrisette





Life is unpredictable, I have come to expect the unexpected. I am pretty good about rolling with the punches and implementing Plan B, but there are times when I really wanted Plan A. I have decided that my co-worker isn't getting any better, I am just dealing with the situation better. Work stresses have been a little more wearing lately. Yesterday, I was at another site, working one-on-one with a different client. My day was actually pleasant, until the last half hour with him. He displayed some huge behavioral issues before going home. It did work to my advantage though, when I returned to the office, I found that my being gone had emphasized my co-worker's incompetence. The program supervisor apologized to me, saying "I had no idea how really bad he is." Of course that doesn't mean that I will be rid of him, just that things may be watched more closely.

My son's girlfriend may be moving in with us, while they save money to get a place of their own. They both work and attend school, so I don't expect to see much of them, but it is an adjustment. I have been seeing him struggle to pull away and become more independent. I do recognize that as the cause of most of our conflicts (nothing big, just occasional quarrels). It is sometimes difficult for both of us to let go.

Last night I was exhausted, in addition to the day leaving me wrung out, I did not feel well. I do feel better this morning, but I am still tired and subdued. Today is a beautiful day though, it is sunny and cool and the leaves are changing. This is my favorite time of year, despite the ongoing problem of the dogs tracking in leaves and mud. As much work and aggravation as they can cause me, I love them. I don't think there is a creature on earth that can exude so much excitement and unconditional love as a dog. Everyday, when I arrive after work, I see three happy faces and three wagging tails in the window. Unlike the morning (trying to get out the door without being covered in hair or pawprints), the evening is full of big dog hugs and kisses. They can cheer me up no matter what mood I am in. I hope someday, that I live up to their (seemingly) unblemished perception of me.







My gratitude has been abundant today. I smiled as I woke up thinking of J. Remembering the last time he was here and sleeping in his arms. I smiled at being greeted by the dogs, outside of my bedroom door. In the kitchen, I smiled at the smell of coffee and my grandchildren's artwork on my refrigerator. I smiled at the sunshine and the crisp fall air, when I took the dogs outside. I am grateful for all of those things. They reflect my blessings. I am blessed by a wonderful relationship, I am blessed by my family and my home. I am blessed with health and a rich, fulfilling life. I am blessed with a job (that I mostly like) and the income that it earns. I am blessed to live in a country where I wake up hearing birds, not bombs. Where I have more food in my kitchen, then some places have in an entire village. Where I have clean, safe water at the turn of a handle. Where medical care is only a phone call away. Where my main concerns are bills, politics, and home improvement, rather than my next meal, if my children/grandchildren will survive the next year, and if my home will be bombed.

What are you grateful for today?

Celebrations

This weekend was celebratory in nature. I am celebrating the fact that I made it through the week. My handyman finished most of the work he was hired to do. I now have both toilets working as they should, all of my kitchen cabinets are now hung, my walls are patched and are ready for me to paint them, and a non-working water softener is out of my laundry room (giving me more room in there). My house is still not really clean, but I have been working on it and it is much more orderly. My son begins his college classes on Monday, all of the financial aid papers are completed and filed. I have gotten some rest and had some marvelous party and family time at my niece's wedding.

Yesterday, my niece got married. Her mother is my sister that I do not always get along with. My niece has always been a bit spoiled and self-centered. My mother and my other sister were coming into town for the wedding. I was looking forward to seeing them, but not really anticipating the wedding itself. Now that it is over, I must admit, I had a lovely time. The mother-of-the-bride was very stressed (which usually leads to misunderstandings and arguments). Instead of problems arising, she came to my other sister and myself and asked for our help with things, which we gladly gave. The time we spent, all pulling together and helping, was a bit of a bonding moment for us. We worked together and joked and got a lot done. My niece was absolutely beautiful, she and her fiance planned a touching ceremony and fun reception. She personified grace and hospitality.

The reception was a wonderful party. The bride and groom used a video game theme and also made their own play list for music. It was fun and creative. My youngest son brought his girlfriend. They have been together for over a year, but this was her first exposure to the entire family. We all talked, ate, drank and danced. We enjoyed each other's company and laughed over family jokes. The evening gave me new appreciation for my family. It also allowed me to let my hair down. I danced with my son, my sister, and my nephew's wife (slow and fast respectively) and also sang karaoke at the table (into a beer bottle microphone), and no we weren't drunk, just having a good time. I often forget how much fun it can be to hang out with my family, especially when we are all getting along.

As with any family, through the years we have been very close at times, but we have also had the ability to inflict the deepest hurts. I am happy to say, that when it really counts, we are there for each other. Through deaths and divorces and illnesses, we are able to put our differences aside and provide aid and comfort. We are a proud and stubborn lot, it is hard for us to ask for help, but when we do, we are family in every sense of the word.

What kind of zoo is this?

I have been too busy and distracted to put together a blog post in a while. That is not a good thing for me, since writing helps me focus and gain perspective. In an attempt to gain a little perspective, I am going to just jot down some random thoughts and hope to make some sense of it all.

I mentioned a while back, that I had a new assignment at work. Let it suffice to say that I provide vocational, social, and life skills training, as well as some group sessions and recreation for my group. My group consists of young men, who have some mental health concerns, who have made extremely poor choices in their lives, most of whom have had pretty rough childhoods and most of whom are court ordered to be in this program. Needless to say, none of them want to be there. None of them want to cop to their offenses. None of them like each other. All of them, for at least a portion of each day, don't like me. Today, at different times during the day, I was called: sweetcakes, an old hag, and you f__king bitch. I sometimes feel like a warden, sometimes a social worker, sometimes a mom, and sometimes I feel like a f__king bitch. Most of the time, I like these guys, sometimes I want to smack some sense into them (which I don't), and sometimes they break my heart. Do not worry, I am not too emotionally involved. I have worked in my field for over eleven years, I care about my clients, I advocate for them, I do what I can, but at the end of the day I go home and am thankful to leave them behind.

I am also thankful to leave my co-worker behind. He is an idiot. He is getting better, but I am not his supervisor, his mother, or his trainer and I am having to function in all of those capacities. He is a horrible example to our clients, furthermore, his stupidity may get someone hurt. Today, he told all of us (clients included) that the financial crisis was a government plot. They want the economy to fail, and in a few years, the U.S., Canada, and Mexico will be all one nation. According to him, this is all foretold in the Bible. He is also opposed to Obama, because his middle name is Hussein and he is black. He told me that he's not prejudiced or racist, he likes blacks, just not the city blacks, because they don't know their place. He bases his vote on who the NRA tells him to vote for. He also hates gays, Muslims, and the NAACP. I don't even waste my breath anymore, he is too stupid to argue with. I figure that the mere fact that I haven't killed him, makes me a better person (please tell me it is true).

I am tired of my sons making poor choices (okay, not as poor as my clients). My youngest son is actually making some very good choices, but he is lousy with money. He has come to expect that when he is out of money he can come to me. (My own fault, I know.) I am tired of it, this week, the bank of mom is closed. He is pissed, probably more at himself than at me, but he is being passive aggressive. Unlike work, I am having a hard time leaving this at the door. My ex-husband was passive aggressive, so is my mother, I find it to be annoying and manipulative. I am hoping that unlike them, my son will grow up and get over it. In the meantime, I am keeping my mouth shut and feeling hurt. (Gee, maybe I am passive aggressive too?)

I am trying to do all kinds of work around my house, I am tired of it being torn up and unfinished. I am also too tired after work to be motivated to do much. I have never been an immaculate housekeeper, but in the midst of the mess I am lousy. I am craving order, but am too tired to achieve it. It is getting done, but too slowly for my liking. I need to tap my friends and have a painting and housecleaning party. I do realize that with three dogs, a cat and a twenty year old son at home, immaculate is a pipe dream, but presentable would be heaven.

Okay, the gripes are over. Last weekend, I took my three grandchildren to the zoo. They were little angels for me (very unusual) and we had a wonderful time. I packed a picnic, we played on the playground, and we saw all of the animals. Well, almost, we missed the penguins and the zoo had no buffalo. When we realized we missed the penguins, we were on the other side of the zoo, preparing to go home. So I lied, I told my six-year old grandson that it was too hot for them and they were up north. I told him that we would see them when we came for the Christmas light display. He said, Jeez, no buffalo and no penguins, what kind of zoo is this? Gotta love the little ones.

I also went to the Farmer's Market last weekend. I try to go every weekend, but this was the last weekend for the year. I stocked up. Tonight, I had fresh tomatoes and sauteed zucchini for dinner. I cannot begin to tell you how good it was. A friend of mine also gave me a huge jade plant today. She was tired of it, it is beautiful!

friendship and politics

After my "end of the world post", I got an e-mail from my geek friend (the one that sent me the LHC link). Actually, the link he sent me was a rap made at the LHC facility. In his e-mail response he says; "I'm still dizzy. From "Hey, here's a funny geek video." To "O-Ba-Ma, O-Ba-Ma" in four paragraphs." And, to prove that all of my friends are not liberal whack jobs like me, I will include this link he sent to me http://www.bobbarr2008.com/.


Okay, I'll fess up, that didn't start as a political post, but that's where my mind took me. Can't help it, tis the season, and I am a bit passionate about the results of the election. I believe that four more years of eroding the Constitution will do irreparable harm to our country. Be forewarned, this is going to be a political rant, and it will probably be disjointed and rambling as well. I have a lot of thoughts on the matter and they don't always occur in a sequential way.


Let me state up front, I am an Obama supporter. I believe that he can implement the changes that need to occur in the country. I believe that he will uphold the Constitution, something that hasn't been done for the last eight years. At the very least, he will be able to stem the tide of fear and power grabbing that we have seen under the Bush administration. That said, I will admit, that early on in the primaries, I was impressed by Ron Paul. I did not agree with everything he stood for, but I believed that he wanted to protect and preserve the Constitution. I believed he was honest and knowledgeable concerning foreign affairs and the economy. I think that the Republicans would be in a better position today, if they had payed attention to his powerful grass roots following and his common sense approach. But, they didn't, they made him out to be a maverick and a joke. Although, he is a Republican office holder, he is really a Libertarian, and many of his views reflect that. My views are far left of his, but I might have supported him if he won the Republican nomination. I am not willing to back a third party candidate. I believe that the two party system needs to be changed. I think that the public needs more of a choice. Progress is severely limited by partisan politics. However, that is what we have. I know that there are more than two recognized parties, but the others simply do not have enough clout. I admit that my attitude reflects one reason why another party cannot become a serious contender in the political scene.


I think this will be a close election. I worry about the Democrats' ability to get out the vote. Many of Obama's supporters are part of demographics that do not regularly vote. The conservative Christians still have a lot of political influence. They may not be fans of McCain, but his choosing Sarah Palin is an attempt to lure them in. I hate the election years and the campaigning. Too many lies and smears and double-talk. The more I learn of McCain and Palin, the more they scare me. I believe that, if elected, their administration could be worse than Bush and Co. ever was. I was hoping that this campaign would be different. I was hoping that the voters would be so fed up, they would see through the lies and demand the truth. I was hoping that the state of the economy and the endless war and massive military budget would prompt people to become informed. I was naive. Even in the light of the recent billion dollar corporate bail-outs (which included huge pay-outs to the CEOs that grossly mismanaged the companies), many voters still do not see the need for a change. Many Americans still view the world from a fear based, hegemonic, ethnocentric mentality.

I am appalled that, as a nation, we still have the idea that the United states should continue to extend the scope of its power and influence over the entire world. This continuing idea that Manifest Destiny and expansionism is our right and our purpose, even when we cannot care for our own nation and its citizens, is outrageous. Whatever happened to the idea of getting your own house in order first? Beyond that, why do we have the right to impose our views and our culture on the entire world? In light of all that has occurred in our country, how do we continue to believe that we are "the city on the hill"? The truth is this whole ideology is a thinly veiled attempt to promote capitalistic ventures and hold economic superiority. Yet, much of our national debt is owed to China and our government continues to spend at phenomenal rates. As a nation, we are bankrupt, both economically and morally and we are headed for a rude awakening. Change will occur, we can either vote for a change or be mercilessly swept away by the tides of change that are going to inevitably rush in. Either way, we ain't seen nothin yet.

Little did I know

Last Saturday, when I posted about the end of the world, I had no idea that on Sunday we would experience a hurricane here in Ohio. Okay, not really, but the remnant of Ike blew it's way into town and for four hours we had 30 to 40 mph winds, with gusts of 80 mph. Not only did it cause extensive property damage, it left about 300,000 homes without electric (including mine). I am very lucky, I only lost a few tree limbs (and a refrigerator full of food), but my neighbors lost siding, roofs, and whole trees. My power was finally restored on Wednesday, but as of this morning, almost 90,000 customers are entering day seven, still in the dark. For me it was more of an inconvenience than anything else, but I was a little stir crazy by Tuesday night.

The storm itself was pretty surreal. No rain, sun was shining, just incredibly strong winds. I sat in my living room watching trees snap off and things go flying by, while my dogs all nervously tried to climb in my lap. I felt like Dorothy waiting to be swept off to Oz. However, it was the following three days without power that I found to be draining. It was only a glimpse of what people in Texas (who truly experienced the hurricane) went through. I continued to go to work (we had power there), the evenings at home in the dark that became rather depressing. The dogs remained nervous and clingy until our electric and our routine were restored. I would sit alone in the dark, trying to read or journal, by candlelight or flashlight. I usually just gave up and went to bed early. I was blessed and continued to have phone service and water (though only cold), but I was ecstatic when the lights came back on. I will admit, coffee, hot showers, and my computer are the things I missed the most.

I have vowed to be a little better prepared for an emergency, but we'll see if I actually follow through. This weekend I need to finish cleaning up the yard and restock the fridge. Oh, and catch up on the blogs that I read, I've missed you all.

It's the end of the world as we know it

Did I ever mention that I failed Physics in high school? Much to my father's chagrin, as he held a degree in Physics. I got the basic concepts (sort of), but as the concepts and theories progressed (as well as the mathematical equations), I floundered in a sea of knowledge that I just could not wrap my brain around. Despite my futile attempts to understand current scientific theories and paradigms, I continue trying. I am fascinated by Physics (and the metaphysical), I decipher theories the best that I can. I see a correlation between science and philosophy and religion (though possibly some of the parallels that I draw, exist only in my mind). I keep taxing my pea-sized brain with reading theories and accounts of things that I will never fully understand.

So...when one of my geeky friends sent me a link about the LHC (Large Hadron Collider), I began to research and find out as much as I could understand. It is the most powerful particle accelerator ever built. It is located in a 17 mile long underground tunnel between France and Switzerland. It took 14 years and $8 billion to build and it was activated on September 10 at 4:28 AM. It is the hope of physicists at CERN (the European Organization for Nuclear Research) that future experiments will prove the existence of the Higgs Boson (or the God particle). It is theorized, that this single particle is responsible for giving everything in the universe its mass. It is a theory that I do not even try to understand, based on a set of equations on the interaction of sub-atomic particles and the Big Bang Theory. I know that my explanation is rather vague, that is due to my limited understanding of the whole thing. If you really care, there is enough information on the web to read about it for a lifetime. Or watch this for a more scientific explanation of the LHC (besides, you have to love his accent and the sound effects):

LHC for Dummies

The LHC almost never came online, a lawsuit had been filed to delay and block the LHC from being turned on. There are some people (quasi-physicists) that believe the LHC will result in the creation of a black hole and the entire planet will be destroyed (sucked into the aforementioned black hole). This is where I sigh in resignation. I look at so much scientific research that is being slowed and interfered with on the premise that it is dangerous or immoral. The objections are not coming from other scientists (usually) but from well-intentioned, but ignorant lay people. In this particular case, black holes exist in theory only (at least as far as we know) and that theory is deeply flawed. I am not knowledgeable enough to claim the LHC poses no threat, but it is probably much less than the dangers of nuclear power plants and reactors. A physicist from CERN did admit that in theory, a black hole could be produced, but it would be so tiny and fleeting that it would not pose any threat. The idea that the particle collisions in the LHC will result in a black hole that will suck up the earth, is similar to the idea that stem cell research will result in the maniacal harvesting of unborn fetuses to fuel it. President Bush and his like-minded supporters would rather throw embryos into a dumpster, than allow them to be used to obtain stem cells. They can also justify the killing of children within a war (collateral damage is permissible to an extent), but not using non-viable embryos to possibly save lives.

Sadly, those people that usually become "up in arms," have no real knowledge of science or its process. Nor do they want real science taught in schools. They prefer to keep their heads in the sand and allow God (and George W. Bush) to take care of things. Rather than pursue and accept real solutions to real problems today, they choose to mire themselves in their ignorant bliss. Regardless of anything I have to say, I know some people that believe that John McCain is the poster husband/father for family values. That Sarah Palin is just like Hillary Clinton (after all, they're both women). That even though 17 year old Bristol Palin is pregnant, abstinence only sex education works. That because Barack Obama's last name rhymes with Osama and his middle name is Hussein, he must be a fundamentalist Muslim. (Of course if this were true, than maybe electing him to be President is the best way to protect the United States from terrorist attacks by fundamentalist Muslims.) (Please recognize the sarcastic and tongue in cheek nature of that last comment.) Unlike the conservative ostriches that surround me, I am ready for a change.